The Quilt

When I was little we'd make the trip to Portsmouth, Virginia, to see my grandparents.  We would stay in what I thought was their mansion (it had two floors!) and I would sleep under one of my grandmother's quilts.  I would wake to my grandfather's whistling and the smell of bacon and sausage cooking.  I would lie under that quilt and smile.  Even at a tender age something told me to stay and savor the moment.  When Grandma passed my father went to Virginia and asked if there was anything I wanted and I asked for a quilt.  Throughout the years during hard times in life I still wrap up in my grandmother's quilt.  For a while it continued to smell like her house and I was afraid to wash it.

I've heard it said that God's plan is like a quilt.  He is crafting something amazing and we only see the messy underneath.  We see the stitching and piecing together and one day we will see the quilt in all of its glory.

I received news last night and it has my mind  wandering.  I look at my nearly seventeen year old son and I wonder.  If I truly understood and accepted that time on Earth has limits would I have held him a little closer and smelled that wonderful newborn smell just  a few minutes more?  Would I have rocked him to sleep one more time or walked holding his tiny hand just one more time than I did?  Would I have put down my own work to snuggle and play?

If I am truly to understand that time has limits is it so bad that I now slip him an extra $20 for lunches when I think his dad isn't watching?  Will I remember to treasure his birthday in a few weeks and to take it all in - stay and savor the moment a little longer?  Will I sacrifice all that I can to help him pursue his dreams and be there to support him?  Will I remember not to be too upset when I go downstairs to find him playing video games in his underwear amidst dirty clothes and dirty dishes?  Will we laugh at every chance we get?  Will I treasure those kisses on the forehead I'm still blessed to receive?

Mothers should not lose their sons.  Cancer should not be allowed to take the ones we love.  Life is messed up- it's the messy underside.

Lord, I beg today for a glimpse of the beautiful quilt you are creating.  I would like to see but one square and your careful stitching to reassure my soul of what is to come and how it will all make sense one day.  If it is not your will that I be allowed to see the beautiful side I pray you envelope me in the messy underside and allow me to learn to be still in your comfort, to seek the smell of your house, and to listen carefully for your whistling.