Settling In...

When I think of something settling I think of a snow globe.  You shake it up and it's complete chaos but soon calm sets in and all the snow particles settle into place at the bottom very still.  I also think we use the term "settling" to define resigning to a relationship (She settled for him in fear of being an old maid).  To settle is to put something into place and accept its position.  Once something is settled the chaos has ended, the snow particles stop flying and there is calm or sad resignation. 

The other day I was speaking to someone about Brett's treatment schedule.  We have completed two weekly chemo treatments and we have twenty two ahead of us.  Of these twenty two, eleven have the potential to make him very ill.  This person said to me, "You've been quiet- haven't posted an update, haven't written a blog, haven't talked much about it all. You both must be settling in for the long journey."   I think up to that point I had been thinking the very same thing- we need to settle in and get through.

Upon pondering this interesting image further, though, we are anything but settled in.  Some days I am the snow particle that falls to the ground and resigns myself to the fact that this is a battle and I am too weary.  Some days Brett is that same snowflake.  He looks at all that is ahead, knows how long the battle is, and he grows weary and is still in surrender.  But, neither of us stay there in that static state.  Most days I am clawing my way up from the bottom with every cell of my being.  I am ready to fight.  Brett is ready to fight.  We will not settle in.

So, I may grow quiet from time to time.  I may suffer some dark days as I did last week.  But, I'm going with the war and warrior metaphor.  The only time a troop settles in is prior to an attack.  So, if we're settling in it's only to gain ground and position against the enemy that is cancer.  And we will never be resigned to simply let it win.  We will continue to shake the snow globe and deal with the chaos that ensues.  It's all part of the process.